This time will be different since I have returned to you. I will not write my todays diary in my notebook. I will write it in a form of reflection to submit it in class. This time will be a little bit challenging because I am writing in in English. I am better in expressing my feelings and thought in Arabic or combination between Arabic and English like I do in my diaries. Yes, I do write diaries. I have been doing this since a very long time, but I stopped for four month and I decided to return to it during this Eid holiday. I think I am doing the gratitude journal but in a different form. In my diaries, I used to write things that delight me and count 5 things that I am grateful for during my day. Todays blessings for example, are as follow:
1. We get back to the campus and I saw my friends.
2. Dr. Khalil agreed on submitting 2 late assignments.
3. I mad an awesome caramel frape that changed my mood
4. My favorite song was played in the (microbus) on my way back to home.
5. My eyeglasses has fallen but nothing happened to it.
I am genuinely thankful to those things that happened on my day. The reason why I decided to return to writing my diaries is that the past few weeks has been very turbulent to me. I have been through a break up. I also turned 21 which is a very scary age for orphans who still live in “Dar”. It is the legal age so the “Dar” has the right to kick me out at any point of time. It is true that they did not do that so far but the idea itself is very scary. There is no either stability or autonomy. I have been looking for an apartment to rent it with three of my fellows in case anything happened, at least we have a place to return to. Thus, as you all can see the past few weeks have been very stressing. I felt so overwhelmed, consumed and exhausted. Let alone the feeling that mi life is on stake, and nothing is guaranteed, not even my education because my future in the university is associated with the GPA which may go down at any point of time and this gives the administration every right to kick me out. All those idea at the same time made me feel miserable, stressed out and they consumed my entire energy to do anything. I even wasted the spring break and the Eid Holiday without studying or doing something productive. I was drained in self-doubt and grief. Amid all that darkness, it was essential to follow some lights, to stick to the last chance and have some hope to get me out of this darkness. I returned to Allah, and I focused on my spiritual aspect. Especially we were in Ramadan thus I had faith on Allah that he will guide me back to the right way. And he did. I gradually started to get back to myself, and gain my self-connection again. I decided to go back to write my diaries because it helps me a lot to release some of the negative thought and organize them. I then started to count my blessings and feel grateful to what I have. Feeling grateful makes me look at the good things in my life. It help me during this turbulent days by reminding me of the goodness in life. This made my life more meaningful and opened my mind to good things. When I felt down it cheered me up. I am now more confident and blessed. I regained my energy and self-appraisal.
Dear diaries, do you know what is the most thing that I am grateful for right now? I am grateful that I went through all of that and I raised up again in no time. I am so proud of myself and very satisfactory with what I have achieved in my life and looking forward to more achievements.